Ummm, hello, this is Tova Parker, and I guess I have cancer?
So where did I leave off, oh yeah, I remember. It’s December 17. After receiving a text message indicating that I had a medical appointment with an Oncologist, I was in a bit of a state of shock. After the first scream, nothing else would come out. No sounds, only the stomach curling feeling that my body had betrayed me. A co worker rushed in to see if I was ok. “Do I need to call an ambulance?” I told him no, but asked him to close m door so that I can make a phone call. I called Dr. S’ number and a woman answered. I advised her that I had received a text message for an appt with the doctor, and that I had not scheduled it. I asked her what the appointment was for, hoping that somehow it was a mistake. She immediately realized that someone had messed up. Somehow, I became aware of an appt with an Oncologist without actually being told that I had cancer. “Hold please, let me see who scheduled this appointment.” I’m thinking, sure I’ll hold it’s not like I have anything else more important to do.
After a few minutes, the nurse answered, and was riddled with embarrassment about how things had played out. She asked if I could come in earlier than my 2pm appt? Did I have someone with me? Did they need to send a car for me? I told her that I could get there just fine, and pressed end on my iPhone. Instantly, what seemed like a gallon of tears poured from my eyes. It was real. I had cancer. Now how the hell am I going to make it to this office? I remember praying a very specific prayer, asking God to just get me from point a to b, and telling Him that I would be back for more requests shortly.
I don’t even remember being angry about how I received the information. I guess, when the situation is as dire as mine, you really don’t have time to be angry. And I’d later learn that the erroneous text message that I received indicating that I had cancer, was sent based on caring intentions. Through this journey, I am learning to listen and experience more, and react less..
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
