What if ...

If I’m honest … I don’t know exactly how I feel about Thursday’s appt. Sure, I got through the last one. But is the next one gonna be a wash, rinse, repeat? Is this the one that takes my hair out? Will I have to deal with the onset of nausea? So many questions … Then I take a deep breath and bring myself back to today. And remember that I said that I wasn’t going to bring my yesterdays and my tomorrows into my todays. But it’s human nature right, to be inquisitive, to try to prepare yourself for upcoming challenges. Well maybe this isn’t helpful in my current situation.

So, instead I’m …

📸: Niquers

But what would those superpowers look like? Maybe the power of super-discernment? But then, what’s the fun in that? I wouldn’t go through anything. I wouldn’t get the benefit of learning from my mistakes. So scratch that. Well what about teleportation? That could be cool. Lord knows I needed it in my last job. But then that would mean that I am relying on my own judgment to determine where I need to be. Hmm… that could get me into trouble too. It could satisfy a short term need, but longer term, what if I miss something because I placed myself in the wrong place at the wrong time? Ok, well maybe a clone then? Ha! That would be cool one of us would be dropping Sydney off at school, the next one would be at the gym, the other one would be on Beltway 8 driving to work, the next one would be doing home chores and cooking dinner, etc… And then we’d all come together like Voltron and download all of the experiences and lessons of the day. Sort of like when you sync your phone. Now, that could be interesting!

Well, since it’s unlikely that chemo will give me the superpower to clone myself, I guess I will stick with the one Tova that I have … and ensure that she makes the most of each day. Not only doing what I have to do, but also ensuring that I have time to do the stuff that I WANT to do. You get one chance at this thing called life. Remember … Living > Existing.