You gotta know how to pivot
20 pounds. That’s how much I’ve lost since my surgery on October 20. And I’m not a huge fan of the scale. So, after discovering that I’d lost 12 pounds just 4 weeks after surgery, I decided that I would wait until the 2-month milestone before I’d weigh myself again. Yesterday was that day. I couldn’t contain the joy I felt when I read the numbers that were displayed on my scale. Clean eating and a long December warm-up, where I’d slowly began to exercise again, had triggered another 8-pound loss.
This was good news. I could even start to see changes in my body. Typically. I am the last person to notice that I’ve lost weight. Not this time.
Dr. Shuck also noticed. Honestly, he was a bit surprised by how much my body had changed since my last appointment in early December. Under normal circumstances, weight loss alone would be fantastic. But, I will be undergoing a second reconstruction procedure sometime next year. In a procedure called fat grafting, fat will be transferred from a donor location to my chest area to improve the profile of my new breasts. While the surgery was a success with good results, finishing touches are required. Currently, there are 2 soft mounds protruding from my chest, with no real transition. As I’ve said in previous posts, the secondary reconstruction procedures improve the aesthetics, resulting in a more natural-looking breast. (Another reason why it’s just wrong to suggest that what I’ve been through is a “boob job.” Believe me, I’ve heard everything! 🙄)
In fat grafting, fat is typically transferred from areas where women traditionally hold fat .. like love handles, back fat, abdomen area, or inner thighs. Well, Dr. Shuck took one look at me today and told me that I am likely not a candidate for the former areas because of how slim those areas now were. I’d never really retained fat in these areas so I was not surprised, but these thighs.. Whoo! That’s where the fat lives honey. So they would likely be the primary donor location.
I was thinking .. Great! If you need thigh fat. I’ve got plenty. But then, something told me that it wasn’t that simple. So, I asked the question that he knew I’d ask. So what’s the downside of using thigh fat instead of belly fat or back fat?
Fat grafting uses a technique called liposuction to extract the fat that will be liquefied and injected at the chest profile. In cases where the skin is not very elastic, liposuction can result in loose or saggy skin at the donor site. And I have been sitting around all year, I’ll tell you .. this skin is not exactly taut like a rubber band.
Upon hearing this news, I went through a series of emotions.
Breast cancer.. this is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Here is yet another thing. As soon as you are comfortable with the stage that you’ve gone through .. Ahh Aht Aht.. Here is something else for you to wade through. I had come to terms with “new” breasts and belly. I hadn’t prepared for my legs to be transformed as well.
I’d just triumphed through one successful procedure. One in which I had to take a “wait and see” approach. Let me explain .. I didn’t know how much fat would be transferred from my abdomen to create my breasts, so I didn’t know how big my breasts would ultimately be after surgery. When you have a smaller frame, DIEP flap surgery is not like selecting which size implants you want. You get what you get. So I had to “wait and see” what the doctor was able to produce. And then after the surgery, I had to “wait and see” if and how the flap healed. And then I had to “wait and see” how the abdomen incision heals. And now, I have to “wait and see” how my thighs will look after fat is transferred to my breast area to complete the procedure.
And then the guilt set in. I participated in a full bout of Struggle Olympics. Did I have a right to be emotional about this? How could I be so vain? There were other women who would love to have my problem. My DIEP flap surgery was successful. Maybe I should just stop there and live with the results that I have?
I tossed with these feelings throughout the day, until I was reminded that I am allowed to feel exactly how I felt. Bur then I snapped out of it. It’s like someone suddenly smacked me in the head with a frying pan. One by one, these feelings began to dissipate. First, it was the guilt. I decided that I have a right to be happy about the way my breasts look. The fact that I am still here does not mean that I am required to settle. There are some who may suggest that I “beat cancer” so that should quell any other feelings that I might have as result of my trial. And to that I say girl byeee; I have a right to feel pretty just like any other woman.
And then, I moved on to the “wait and see.” Let’s behest, in true “Tova fashion,” I had already decided when I would have the second procedure. Early Spring. I’d been saying that for months. And now I have to get to work to potentially prepare these thighs to be included in the party since the Doc has suggested that more toned legs will result in a better outcome. In my experience, it takes me much longer to tone than to lose weight. So maybe I won’t be ready in early Spring? At some point, not dissimilar to the earlier part of my breast cancer journey, my body will decide when it’s ready. Lord only knows why I thought that this part of the journey would be any different. I’ll just have to “wait and see.”
So where do I go from here? While today’s chat with the doctor left me feeling a bit emotional, it also left me feeling empowered. Now that recovery is behind me, there is more work ahead to get the result that I desire. Because it’s really about what I want. It’s my body and I am responsible for how I feel about it.
And with that, I pivot my focus from weight loss to toning and from early Spring to “wait and see.” While there is no rush, it seems that there will be lots of lunges, squats, sprints, and interval rides in my future. Luckily, I’ve always enjoyed a good workout .., and a challenge.
So the mission is still Tova 2.0 with a new plan..
♥️T
“A pivot is a change in strategy without a change in vision. ”
