Perspective is undefeated
Have you had one of those days when you know exactly how things will go, but you still can’t seem to shake the feeling that you knew you would have as a result of the day that you knew you were going to have? I know .. that was a whole lot to digest. When I re-read the sentence, I even thought about rewriting it .. that thought lasted all of 10 seconds before I decided to just move on. You guys are smart. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
Well, for me, that day was today. When I arrived at Shuck’s office for my follow up, I was a little bummed. As the nurse started preparing the tools for my second expansion, I was thinking .. I don’t know why you are taking those things out, Shuck is gonna take one look at my breast and tell me that we aren’t expanding today. And friends, that’s exactly what happened. He walked in and exchanged greetings and once he realized that the bruise (that had healed previously) was actually not healing so much now, he put the brakes on expansion. And I know.. yes, this is for my own good. There is a risk of infection if the area isn’t healed properly. There is also a risk of losing the skin if the area isn’t healed properly. And if you weren't aware, the skin is important. I’d like to preserve as much of it as possible for reconstruction.
And I knew this. I knew that this is what would happen, but it still didn’t keep me from being bummed. I’m stalled. And I know what you are saying.. relax, it hasn’t even been a month since your surgery. Yes, this is true. However, I’d much rather prefer the skin to heal and move on with the “uneventful” path forward, rather than the alternative. What’s the alternative, you ask? Let me tell you, The alternative is the portion of the skin dying and Shuck having to cut it out and sew the remaining skin back together .. and oh yeah, he’ll need to remove the expander to do this. Now, this is the extreme end of the spectrum where #teamtova doesn’t operate. While our faith doesn’t exist in this spectrum, it was still important for me to hear this because it was the segue to the action that needs to take place before my next weekly follow up visit. My task is actually quite simple .. Watch for signs of infection .. discoloration, bruising, swelling, fluid, breaks in the skin. These are all of the things that would indicate something more than a superficial skin wound.
Shuck ensures that I understand the required task, and he releases me for the week. As I am walking to the car, I give myself a good pep talk. Tova, you knew this would happen today. And you’re no doctor. Actually, you willed this to happen, because you would probably be more stressed if he decided to further expand given the trauma on the skin. So what exactly are you down about? As with all things, I realized the source of my sadness. Today’s events did not line up with my overall recovery plan. The wound healed two weeks ago; it was supposed to STAY healed. Who gave it the authority to regress? Doesn’t this wound know that we have a schedule to keep? (A schedule that no one in Texas seems to know about, else they would wear a mask and practice social distancing so that the ICUs would be less full and restrictions on elective surgeries could be removed .. but I digress) Who am I kidding? If there is any lesson that I should have learned by now, it’s that healing and recovery does not happen according to my time table. Let me be clear. Other than child birth, this is quite literally the only major surgery that I’ve had. I’ve been blessed with good health all of my life. I am the last person that has a clue about how long recovery should take. Once I convinced myself to relax and to be grateful for what has happened over the last week, I was in a better mood. And as the cherry on the pie, I would get to see Dr. Shahin in a few minutes, That guy is a ray of sunshine. I could not go in there with a sourpuss mood.
Walking through the Cancer wing of the hospital felt weird. As I treaded the halls, I was reminded that I USED to have cancer. I USED be treated in the infusion center that I walked past. But God 🙌🏾!! When I entered Dr. Shahin’s office, it was like visiting my old college and seeing my old teachers. I was no longer a student in this school. I’d graduated. When Dr. Shahin walked in, his smile shown bright under his mask .. as always. Immediately, he asked about Theo (who was MIA today. To be fair, he is on business, Dr. Shuck even asked about him in my previous appt. Who is the patient here?!). There were a few objectives for today’s appointment. First, he wanted to talk to me about my complete pathological response (I told you in my previous entry, that I will never tire of writing or saying that). He used his oncological paintbrush to paint a picture that highlighted the overall effect of the chemotherapy treatments and survivability data given my results. These weren’t new words. LT had shared similar words when she used her surgical paintbrush to paint her picture .. the one that highlighted future possibilities based on the results of the cells that she’d biopsied. Same data, a different stroke of the brush. And as always, they were aligned. While #teamtova subscribes to the faith camp when we talk about survivability, appropriate surveillance is still required on the path to remission. In my case, this amounts to quarterly visits and a baseline CT scan this fall with comparative scans (at least) annually. Some may think this is a lot but merely hearing that there is a plan to be on the lookout for any future deviations is just what I needed to hear. Yeah, I know. I’m sounding just like an engineer again.
After our talk, they got some blood to check my progress, scheduled my next appointment in a few months, and then there was a bonus. Dr. Shahin removed dietary restrictions. So you know what that means, baaabbbbyyyy …. SUSHI!
And as a special surprise, the Director of the Cancer Center stopped by to meet with me, because apparently my doctors seem to think that I am an exemplary patient. 😊 What an awesome surprise?! I continue to be overwhelmed by the extraordinary bedside manner exemplified by the Houston Methodist professionals’ Cancer team. They too have been #teamtova from the start.
So, let’s recap today’s events…
No expansion today due to skin trauma that’s still healing but the rest of my breasts have healed well post-surgery
Reiteration of complete pathological response to chemo
Detailed surveillance plan already developed
Got to see Dr. Shahin’s smile (behind the mask)
Received a virtual certificate of excellence from the Cancer Director
And I am cleared to eat sushi
In hindsight, I guess it wasn’t such a bad day after all. As always, perspective is undefeated!
♥️ T
