Faith over Fear

I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I blame this sleepless night partly on some minor discomfort, as I had to shift from side to side, alternating between annoying a tumor on the right side and irritating a port on the left side. But if I am honest, I guess I am little nervous too. How does one even prepare for your first day of chemo? What will it feel like? Will I have a reaction? How fatigued will I be? Will end of the nausea spectrum will I fall on? And then I talk myself out of the endless cycle of questions because I know that these questions are of fear, and fear and faith can not coexist. My faith is an absolute belief that God is constantly working behind the scenes in my favor (even in the chemotherapy infusion room!) And quite simply stated, fear is unbelief or weak belief. I am thankful that the God we serve is both kind and forgiving. He understands that we are not perfect, but He requires us to go forward in faith. And the Bible is ever so clear on this point. And faith does not mature without trials. So there you have it, full circle. I feel much better now, and downplay what I thought was fear to mere curiosity.

When I am fully awake, I pick up my phone to an incredible number of texts, emails, missed calls, and DMs from my village (you guys!) wishing me well and offering prayers this morning. I am so thankful, as I respond to each one. I know that this is God’s way of sending angels to cover me as I take this first big step today. As I read the scriptures that you’ve forwarded, there seems to be a recurring theme (see below). Funny how that works, eh. He always knows what you need, even before you know it.

After I finished praying and journaling, I awake Sydney for school. She’s eager to get there early to have breakfast with her girlfriends. I remind her that today is my first day of treatment, so I may be resting when she gets home from her after school drama program. She looks at me and says with an amazing confidence, “Mom, everything will be fine. Just look at your arm if you get discouraged.”

Psalm 8:2 (NLT)

You have taught children and infants to tell of your strength, silencing your enemies and all who oppose you.

…sometimes it’s as simple as asking a 10 year for her opinion

I spend the rest of the morning listening to a playlist of my favorite songs, in addition to some that were forwarded to me by many of you. Thanks for that! You don’t know how many times I’ve relied on this playlist to get me through. I’ve included one of my favs below. Enjoy and keep smiling y’all. 😊