Back to the operating room

I should have known that something was amiss as soon as I saw the ratchet blue paper robe sitting on the chair. Theo said that I am bourgeois. I disagree.. I’m just used to my Houston Methodist warm sterile robe with the embroidery on the right side. But instead, I am wearing this thing .. lol

I’m back for my weekly appointment with Shuck. The goal for the week was healing! Over the last week, I’d noticed that there was a change in the area. A scab was developing and it was a tad darker, but there was no fluid, blood, or swelling .. all the signs that Shuck told me to watch out for. So being my little ball of sunshine self that I am, I thought that change should be a good thing, right?

Not so much.. Shuck looked at it and he started talking doctor speak. You know when they talk in moans. like mmm, err, shh, errr, ahhh. I was getting a little worried. It didn’t sound good. He looked up and said, “Tova, I gotta cut it out.”

F$%# .. Yes, Susie Sunshine Tova sometimes says bad words. I let out an expletive. Sorry, this wasn’t exactly the news that I was looking for.

As he is describing my fate, I’m distracted by Shuck’s cute shoe 😍

But then he started speaking words that I could understand. RISK MANAGEMENT. Shuck explained that the wound was not healing as it should. (Remember, we’ve been at this for longer than a month.) And his concern is that there is an underlying issue that is keeping the area from healing properly. If it opens, it will likely be infected. Infection carries its own risk. So, best to remove the area that is presumed to be dead and get a closer look at what lies beneath before stitching it all up. He’ll also have deflate my expander, so I ‘ll be a little lopsided for a while.. Now this is the base case scenario. On the other end of the spectrum, if there is some other issue underneath, he would have to re-open the incision and remove the expander. Basically starting from scratch in the right breast. Dear Lord, be a fence.. No deeper issues.

Dr. Shuck tests my availability for surgery. It’s always funny to me when they ask me what day is good for me. There is literally NOTHING more important than saving my life! Whatever is on the schedule can be rearranged. Promise 🤞🏽He looks at the scab again and decides that tomorrow is best. Yes, I will be in surgery again in fewer than 24 hours. Shuck explains that the surgery would not require an overnight stay, so I should be home tomorrow night. And then he gets this look on his face. Like a little kid that’s afraid to tell you that they did something bad. And then he says it .. “Drains .. I may have to put one drain in.” Aww man, Shuck, you’re killing me here. I look over at Theo who immediately says .. “Oh don’t look at me, you know how to change your drains now.” 🙄

While I am looking through my notes to ensure that all of my questions have been answered, I get to one that I’m not able to cross off the list. The pillow fort. Ok, listen yall, when I first built the fort, it was cool. Now' I’m sooo over it. I want to sleep under sheets. I want to annoy my husband by putting my cold feet on him at night. I want OUT of the pillow fort. “So Shuck, what do you think about me getting out of the pillow fort,” I ask, already knowing the answer.. “Well, if it had healed, I would be ok with you getting out, but now that we have to have surgery tomorrow, let’s wait and see.” Yeah, just what I thought. 🙄

Just before I leave, Shuck smiles and congratulates me for being featured in “that newsletter”. The look on my face, must have suggested that I was completely confused. So he shows me on his phone. I’d been featured in The breasties newsletter, an organization that supports women affected by breast cancer through positivity and community. Hope dope is that!?

Before I can have surgery, I need to complete pre-admission testing. This requires a COVID test and lab work. At least the COVID test wasn’t as bad this time. I am convinced that the woman who did my last test was sadistic. She took her sweet time with that swab. lol. After telling me that she had to do 15 turns in my nose to collect an appropriate sample, she proceeded to turn the swab as slowly as she could. Singing OONNEEE, TWOOOOOO, THREEEE. Lady, come on already. lol. They didn’t need blood work today, but they did need a urine sample. Well, guess what .. I don’t like using the restroom at the hospital so I always empty my bladder before I leave home. They were just gonna have to work with what I had to give. lol They gave me my antibacterial wash, reminded me to be a Gremlin (i.e. don’t eat after midnight), and I was on my way.

This bottle is familiar to anyone who has had surgery..

So just like that, I am scheduled for surgery tomorrow. It’s funny .. just last night I was talking to one of my friends about work .. specifically when I planned to return. Today’s event proves my point. I have no clue. This is out of my control. I don’t even know when the final surgery will be scheduled. I don’t know when the healing will be complete. If everything worked according to MY schedule, I would be spending a month in Bali and the Philippines before returning to work. You see how that is working out for me with COVID, right. So I’m just going to relax, finish writing my book and let God and my body tell me when it’s time. Clearly, I am not in control.

On the way home, I decided to stop at Whataburger to get a honey chicken biscuit. That thing is heaven is a food-grade wrapper, and I deserve every bite. As I’m doing the happy dance eating my heaven biscuit, I get to thinking … At least there is no more worrying about whether I am healing properly. I don’t have to stalk my own body every hour to check for changes. And I also don’t have to be anxious about what Shuck will say at next week’s appointment. It is done. And a bit of a relief, actually. I remind myself that I am moving on. Just as I finish my piece of heaven, the phone rings.. “Ms.Parker. We need a better sample. Can you come back to the hospital, please?” 🙄

Pray for your girl please..

♥️ T