And then this happened..What a day this has been!
Today started off great! And not just because I am on chemo treatment #7, but also because today is #Linusday. Don’t know what that is .. let me explain. See my good friend, Monique received a new liver 5 years ago (which she named Linus), and today she celebrates 5 years with Linus! 🎉 For transplant patients, five years is a pretty significant milestone, as it is a key factor in predicting survivability. So, her amazing village is sending her love by wearing #linusday t-shirts (similar to the one that I cut around the collar so that my nurse could access my port in today’s chemo treatment).
As I am getting dressed, I remember to apply the lidocaine and to get something in my stomach so that I can take dose 2 of the steroid. I look at the clock and realize that I don’t have much time left .. cereal it is, I guess. Just before I leave, Sydney comes downstairs to start her school day. She looks exhausted! I told her that she could sleep in a bit, and start at 10am instead. She was elated, of course. As Theo is driving me to the hospital, I think about all that I want to get done during today’s session., Remember, Monday is my long day. I am usually there from 9 til 2. Little did I know that I would not be marking anything off of that list. God had other plans.
I arrived at the hospital and was screened before entering the Infusion Center. No one was in the waiting room.. just like I like it. I’m called to the back and am asked to step on the scale first, of course. The torture continues. 🤪 To my surprise, I weigh less than I did on the last date of my last treatment cycle. To that I thank God from whom blessings flow, because this sister dud nothing to warrant weight loss. 😂 Anyway, I’m in Suite 13 today. I get settled in my room before my vitals are taken and the medicine merry-go-round begins again, but NOT before letting every nurse within earshot know of the blessing that I received on Thursday. “The little mutant is gone! The tumor is no more.” Naturally, they were all so very happy for me. But that wasn't the reason I told them. I didn’t want praise. My intent was to give the glory to God.
“I want you all to know about the miraculous signs and wonders the Most High God has performed for me ”
As I am waiting in my suite, Dr. Shahin arrives with a smile that he just can’t hide behind that face mask. He congratulates me for hanging in there, as we begin to talk about the results of my recent ultrasound. Now it’s time for him to go all “Medical Professional” on me. 😆 He begins by explaining, in detail, why “we” must continue with chemotherapy even though the tumor is gone. As he had explained many many blog entries ago, Neoadjuvant chemotherapy (chemotherapy treatment provided before surgery) has both short and long-term affects. Short-term benefit is that it supports a less invasive surgery, by reducing the size of the tumor and displacing it from high risk areas (in my case .. my chest wall") Through prayer and medicine, I have likely hit the lottery on the short term benefits based on last Thursday’s ultrasound. Over the long-term, it reduces the risk of recurrence. Similar to Nique’s story, five years is a significant milestone for patients with TNBC. Just to refresh your memory, the data says that Triple-negative breast cancer is considered to be an aggressive cancer because it grows quickly, is more likely to have spread at the time it’s found and is more likely to come back after treatment than other types of breast cancer. So… in the medical arena, that five year milestone is often used to help determine recurrence ..notice I said “in the Medical Area. I believe that God is the only one that knows your expiration date. However, we have data for a reason! And Doctors are here for a reason. The faith that I have in God is not going to keep me from wearing a seatbelt when I drive a car, or keep me from wearing a mask when I go out in public during a pandemic. Similarly, it will not keep me from researching and listening to my medical team when trying to determine the best course of action that could help to prolong my life! Ok, rant over. but somebody needed to hear that.. The last key item discussed is that Neoadjuvant chemotherapy actually reduces the risk of recurrence by 30% compared to patients that have the tumor removed first. It treats microscopic cancerous cells that may not be seen during testing. For these reasons, Dr. Shahin advises that we will finish the cycle.
If you recall, I mentioned some time ago that I am participating in a clinical trial for TNBC patients. This trial focuses on complete response to chemotherapy and long term benefits mentioned above. That’s right.. I am using every resource that I can to potentially avoid going through this journey again. As in all things, there is no guarantee, but I will use the resources that He has provided to advocate for myself and the extension of my life. In about a month, I will have an MRI that will give my medical team a better picture of what’s going on inside my body. Dr. Shahin explained that It will help LT to determine her strategy for surgery by providing a clearer view of my breast cage, muscle area, etc. It also confirm that the lymph nodes and other areas are clear prior to surgery. And then he said this … and I almost fell out of the chair. “Based on what we see, we will confer and decide whether it’s best for you to have another 1-2 cycles of chemotherapy.” After he said those words, my face must have hit the floor, because the next words that came out of his mouth were.. “Tova, the more that we can benefit from chemo before surgery, the better our chances of you not going through this again.” While I understand the logic here, I told him that I wasn’t claiming anything past that final May 18 treatment. He’s gonna need to show me some results from the MRI for me to move past May 18. 😂 He laughed a bit, and then he was off to the next patient .. but not before my our treatment #7 photo.
Treatment #7. I’m there hiding under that hat somewhere.
Once Dr. Shahin left, I began to journal some thoughts to share with Nique at a later date. And then it happened; I had an epiphany, y’all. I had been wrecking my brain for weeks trying to come up with a way to kick off my pretty(sic) organization.. you know the one that I will use to support other women that have similar trials. The one that I planned to work on during my two good weeks between each chemo treatment during the second cycle. Yeah, that one. I’d been scheduling brain time to capture some ideas. But none of the ideas were …err it. Some were good, others were just ok .. but I never found “THE ONE”. Welp, I think I have it now y’all. This is it! I brainstormed for 2 hours straight after Dr. Shahin popped in to check on me. Sorry, I can’t share more than that just yet. (Don’t you hate people like that lol) I need to play around with it a little more. Just trust me, it’s a good one! I promise to share more later. 🙃
By the time I’d finished brainstorming, I was also finished with the trial meds and it was time to move on to an hour of chemo. Just five minutes after the chemo treatment started, I started to have what I thought was heartburn (as it’s a potential side effect of the steroids I’m taking). I pinged the nurse to explain my symptoms. Immediately, she paused the chemo treatment, and proceeded to take my vitals. Just as she thought, I was having a reaction to the chemo which raised my blood pressure really high, resulting in tightening of the chest. I was given some medicine to release the pressure and Benadryl to treat the reaction. By the way, if you’ve never had Benadryl intravenously, let me tell you, it’s a weird experience. You get this tickling/itchy sensation to the back of your neck and then a rush to your head. Awful! After twenty minutes, my blood pressure had lowered to the appropriate level to begin chemo again. What an experience; never a dull moment!
After my treatment, I had a few minutes to wait before Theo arrived. I thought back to my plan for the day vs. what actually happened, and began to laugh. After I pulled myself together, I thought to myself .. So Tova, what did you learn from today’s turn of events? Hmm.. well let’s see:
You can’t force magic - I was struggling for weeks to come up with an idea to kick off pretty(sic), and just when I stopped forcing it, the magic happened organically. It was purpose filled and aligned with my vision, and came to me when I was focusing on the needs of someone else. Maybe we can hear God’s voice more clearly when we are using our gifts to serve others.
Stop trying to control the chemo/surgery/recovery timeline - Now, I will give myself some credit, I have gotten better at this, but there is still work to be done. In my head (no really, out loud), I’ve said .. good, tumor is gone, two more sessions and then I’m out of chemo, a few weeks later on to surgery. That is not what was discussed today! While there is a strong possibility that this might happen, another scenario may present itself. And guess what, I have NO control over it.
Wanna make God laugh, tell him your plans - Why must I learn this lesson over and over? Its such a struggle for me. I had this whole gameplay for what today would look like. I would come in, meet with Dr. Shahin who would cosign my plan in item 2 above, get this chemo over, sign a few greeting cards, write today’s blog entry (which I am now writing many hours later), and make a few purchases. Let me tell you that NONE of that happened. Instead, I left the hospital without one signed greeting card, an empty blog draft, a reaction to the chemotherapy meds, and a remaining chemo plan that could potentially look like something different than what I envisioned. On the positive side, I do have the blueprint for a really important project; so it’s not all bad. Through this journey, it seems that I re-learn this lesson over and over and over again. Maybe going with the flow is just not in my DNA. 🤷🏽♀️
I have to say, this has been a rather eventful day. But I got through it, like I always do. Listen, your journey may be different, but you can get through too.
Just remember to breathe through it
💚 T (FYI - green heart and Peanuts comic references are in honor of Nique for #happylinusday)
