Now you see them .. now you don’t.

4 AM. That’s what time the alarm goes off. A reminder that I need to be at the hospital at 5:30 AM for surgery. I hit the snooze button and five minutes later the alarm goes off again. I’m done talking to Him by this time and climb out of bed. It time to take another anti-bacterial shower before I head to the hospital.

This stuff has my skin feeling pure. ,Had to wash with it the evening before and the morning after. No oil, no creams, no lotion after. Definitely not second nature for me.

Now it’s time to get dressed. I decide to put on a graphic tshirt that empowers me for my big day! (For those that can’t read backwards, I’ve also included a photo that is taken a little later at the hospital)

My family gathers at 4:45 for pre-surgery prayer. (Although this counts as the second prayer since my good friend Annie and her husband Antoine called to pray last night). My family isn’t exactly camera ready this early in the am, but my babies and my mama don’t mind an early morning photo. 😊

My babies and my momma (she’s a little sleepy)

We arrive at the hospital right on time. After a painless registration, I wait for Theo to park the car. No better time to take a video selfie 😉

After registration, we head upstairs to the pre-op waiting area. It’s getting super real now. They take down Theo’s information so that they can text him throughout the surgery and contact him after the surgery was complete.

Just me and my babe.. He’s been a trooper through this whole process.

Then I am called back to prepare for surgery. I wipe the surgical area a third time with a heated anti- bacterial wipe and change into my fancy hospital gown and assorted accessories.

All dressed up an ready to go

These bandages protect me from pressure points while lying on the operating table..I had one on my upper and lower back as well

Keeps the blood circulation going

The first visitor I received was the anesthesiologist . I would be under general Anesthesia so he has a super important role. I needed to be asleep so I didn’t feel a thing and I also needed to wake up when it was all over!! Well you also get meds before anesthesia, and I can assure you that I don’t recall anything after receiving those meds. Like nothing!

As the hour was soon nearing, Dr. Shuck joined me for a consult. We discussed the procedure again. And immediately after, I was asked to drop my gown to my waist so that he could mark up my breasts. Weird and totally necessary at the same time. I swear, after all of the poking and prodding since diagnosis, I am not sensitive about being naked at all. They’re only body parts. But I did tell him that after taking a few photos of my boobs, the least he could do was take a selfie with me. Of course, he obliged. He’s such a sweetie pie.

Dr Shuck and I .. masked up and ready to go

About 15 minutes before surgery, Wonder Woman (LT) arrives. She made a few markings on my right arm where my sentinel nodes would be removed. And then she moved on to a very important question. What is my favorite Tupac song? Today was Tupac Tuesday and she would play my favorite song in the OR when I first arrived. Now, how is she gonna put me on the spot like that?!!! I needed some time to think about it. Finally, I just went with Hit em up. It’s a classic.

A few minutes later, and it was time to be rolled to the OR. Full transparency - I don’t remember anything after the nurses gave me the meds before anesthesia; which means that I don’t remember any photos beyond this sentence. I asked LT and Theo to capture the rest of the journey because I didn’t want to miss a thing.

Waving bye to the hubs .. or maybe I was singing ?!? Who knows, I was out of it at this point.

Sooooo.. about those photos that I asked LT had to take. I authorized the photos. I signed for them prior to surgery. But Houston Methodist is too scared to have them released to me. I guess they are waiting for me to be fully recovered with new boobs and living life before they will let me have them. Seriously, by that time I won’t really care what happened in the OR for my mastectomy. It’s such a shame that we have such a litigious society that Houston Methodist’ hospital are unwilling to release photos and videos of my surgery even after I signed a waiver beforehand. Such a bummer. But whatever … I can only imagine all the awesomeness that went on in the OR.

UPDATE: after a few phone calls, the hospital decided to release my videos and photos.. thanks to LT for going hard for me.. But I am only able to show one photo because I don’t want my boobs all over the internet. 🤣 In the photo below, the countdown began. Lights out!

After surgery, I awoke in a Recovery room … wondering if the surgery had even taken place. I looked down at the bandages across my chest, and it became very clear. Yes, surgery was complete. Apparently I had been in there for five hours. I was groggy and uncomfortable and my throat was pretty sore from the breathing tube. My nurse was sitting on the right side of me, with a smile so bright .. providing light. She allowed me to see my hubby for a few minutes. I was happy to see him. A few hours later I was moved to my room. But before I was moved, Dr. Shuck came to check on me. He told me that the surgery had gone well. Expanders were in place but they hadn’t been inflated yet. My skin was a little thin and we are all about saving the skin right now. He advised my nurse to keep my room warm and to provide oxygen for my full stay.

Finally it was time to eat. I hadn’t eaten for almost 24 hours and I was starving. I’d try the herb roasted chicken, broccoli, and Asiago cheese Mac. And crossed my fingers. It was actually pretty good. And soon, I had company .. my hubby was also in the room with me. He is such a blessing to me. I couldn’t make him leave even if I tried.

Contrary to popular opinion, you don’t get much rest in the hospital. I would continue to be checked and prodded every 3-4 hours. The room was kept warm, consistent with Dr. Shucks orders. Theo was sweating like a pig. I was even a bit uncomfortable. But doctor’s orders are doctor’s orders. The nurses checked on me throughout the night. I was very comfortable, considering the fact that I’d just been in surgery for five hours.

For a Few hours that night, I was completely awake. Couldn’t fall asleep if I’d tried. I was feeling ok (thanks to the meds) and I had no nausea. What a blessing. I used this time to return texts and messages posted on social media before sleeping in again. And then, I was given a new toy to help with my lungs. I was told to blow into it two times every hour. I guess surgery does have an effect on you. At first, I couldn’t even blow half way to the target (that little blue mark on the right). Geez

I think they had checked my incision and breast area about four times. Each time, I refused to look at it. I wasn’t ready. Would I cry? Would I be disgusted? I didn’t know and I wasn’t ready to find out. So I’d close my eyes whenever the nurses came in to check my incisions. They all told me that it looked very good, but what does that even mean? I’d take their word for it.

I awoke to a shift change. The night nurse was leaving and the day nurse had returned. They exchanged notes and seamlessly transitioned my care. More incision checks, more meds, more drain care. I’d ordered French toast and bacon for breakfast. Pretty good for hospital food. I was using the restroom. Everything seemed to be ago. When I got off of the bed, I realized that my heels were throbbing .. to the point where I’d almost lost my balance. I had the nurse check for sores and there were none. What they did see was redness on my heel, likely cause by how my foot was placed on the Operating table. I’d be sure to ask the doctor about it when I saw him before discharge.

This is a drainage bulb. I have 4 of them. Ever heard of the expression”better out than in”. Same applies to fluid . I have to empty these 2x day and measure the volume. Yuck! Hubby does this part for me.

Dr. Shuck enters the room and I can tell it’s him by his fancy loafers before he opens the curtains. He smiles behind his mask and asks how I’m doing. “Great.” He’s happy to hear it. He checks the incision and condition of the skin. And for the first time, I look. I can’t describe it. It looks like flat skin but it’s more skin than surface area so it’s a bit buckled. But it’s not discolored and it not yucky. It’s just different. He half closed my surgical bra and reminds me to check my drains. We have quite a journey a head of us to reconstruct my breast area but I’ve done five months of chemo. I can make it through anything! After he checks my foot, he tells me that he’ll issue the discharge papers soon. Woo boo, I’m going home!

While I’m waiting to be discharged, it’s time to order lunch. Pizza it is! And it was also quite good. I was impressed, yet again. My nurse came in to review my discharge papers. But first I needed to walk the full circle around the hospital floor. After a wipe down (I can’t take a shower until 48 hours after surgery), I put on the zippered dress that I planned to go home in and we’re off.

When we returned, Theo had packed up all of our belongings and was on the way out to collect the car. My nurse wheeled me down in a wheelchair and thank God because I couldn’t imagine having to walk one more step given how much my heel hurt. I scooted into the front car seat with my “breast friend” ( a pillow designed to be placed in front of you while riding in a car. It keeps you from “dying” due to tightness of seat belt or riding over potholes”)

When we arrived home, my family was waiting there to cheer me on. So sweet of them … such an amazing family I have.

I made my way to the bedroom to climb into the pillow fort that Theo had built. Thirty minutes later, I was asleep. Guess it’s pretty comfy after all.